God speaks!

i was feeling pretty bad yesterday. was trying to ponder why it had to happen. i was asking God why.

when i got home i did my laundry. a few loads took quite a few hours and i didn't even realize it was so late already until i saw this bible study show on tv. i used to watch it when i couldn't sleep. it's shown at kron4 everyday at 1am. it's not a catholic show but it's christian and i learn things from it. the husband & wife pastors (gene & melissa scott) take turns in doing the teachings, but i only find myself listening if it's the wife speaking. last night it was her.

she talked about giving (tithing) for a bit. it's something that i had already learned and applied personally so i didn't pay much attention. after a while she talked about her actual topic for the night. it was somewhere in psalms. i was folding my clothes when she said something that made me look up. she said that her message that night was not for everyone, and might even be intended for just one person. then she read the first verse of the psalm -- which i later found out was from psalm 77:

"I cry aloud to God, cry to God to hear me. On the day of my distress I seek the Lord; by night my hands are raised unceasingly; I refuse to be consoled."

i couldn't believe what i heard. this must be a joke right? what, i just happened to stay up late and hear this? she asked, have you ever felt that way? i was like, no kidding?! that was exactly what i was feeling! i stopped folding my clothes, grabbed my bible and started listening intently. the psalm was a cry of anguish. here are the next verses:

"When I think of God, I groan; as I ponder, my spirit grows faint.
My eyes cannot close in sleep; I am troubled and cannot speak.
I consider the days of old; the years long past I remember.
In the night I meditate in my heart; I ponder and my spirit broods:
"Will the Lord reject us forever, never again show favor?
Has God's love ceased forever? Has the promise failed for all ages?
Has God forgotten mercy, in anger withheld compassion?"
I conclude: "My sorrow is this, the right hand of the Most High has left us."

she went on and on to describe how the psalmist felt. and she couldn't be more accurate in describing how I felt. i knew God was speaking to me. He was telling me that He knew exactly what i was going through. that He hears my cry. that was the consolation i needed. and as if to agree with my changed mood, the next verses of the psalm said:

"I will remember the deeds of the LORD; yes, your wonders of old I will remember.
I will recite all your works; your exploits I will tell.
Your way, O God, is holy; what god is as great as our God?
You alone are the God who did wonders; among the peoples you revealed your might.
With your arm you redeemed your people, the descendants of Jacob and Joseph. "

pastor melissa said that if we shift our focus from ourselves to the Lord, we begin to see the real picture. we begin to remember everything that God has done for us! i did! grabe Lord, ang galing mo! thank you for being so real to me! i am yours!